Kids say the funniest things. We’ve heard them talk about their poop in public and use sarcasm with their parents when they least expect it. And we love it, don’t we? Kids who have no filters and wild imaginations are the most creative with their hilarity. So, to celebrate this hilarious creativity and make you laugh, we compiled a list of funny things kids say. Narrated from the perspective of unsuspecting adults, these instances sound even funnier!
Read, laugh, and share!
“3 year old’s advice after a run:
We go into her room to read books for bed time after my boy friend just went on a 3 mile run.
Boyfriend sits on the ground and says, “Oh my booty hurts.”
3 year old: You can use my diaper cream.”
– byu/gottalifetolive on Reddit
“I caught my now 3.5 year old crouched over her dad in our bed while he was still sleeping one morning, pretending to sew him up. When I asked what she was doing, she said “Momma, it ok. I a doctor.” She then tried to hand me his imaginary organs saying “Here, momma. We go get money now for shopping. You take these. I go buy lots of colors.” I never did figure out where my toddler learned the concept of black market organ theft.”
– Jenipherocious on Reddit
“My 2 year old yelled this in a quiet dentist office with about 5 other people there.
He sat quietly, in his chair, suddenly shot to his feet and yelled, “Look at my butt, mom!” And bent over to show it to me. Why? He farted.”
– byu/IdkIjustwannaReddit on Reddit
“8 year old: Dad, I need new rollerblades. Can you order on Amazon?
Me: Maybe you can ask Santa (he is clinging to belief still)
8 year old: No. Amazon is faster.”
– byu/mr2johns on Reddit
“This morning, while I was on the toilet (because obviously):
“Mom! I need to go to schoooooooool!”
“I need to learn things!”
“That you do. What kind of things?”
– MarieMarion on Reddit
“Last night my 2 year old climbed into the tub by himself and I said “Wow you did it all by yourself!” And without missing a beat he said “I’m awesome!” I didn’t even know he knew the word awesome or how to use it in context, so it was surprising and made me laugh a lot. I’m also pregnant so for awhile I’d ask him what was in my belly and he’d say “There’s a baby in there!” Then he’d poke a boob and say, “Two babies!””
– WhateverYouSay1084 on Reddit
“My 4 year old son: “Can I have a pickle?”
Husband: “I didn’t hear the magic word.”
– byu/BerIsHer on Reddit
“A song by my 4 year old.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear car accident. Happy birthday to you!”
– byu/broadzillajones on Reddit
“While he was pooping
“NO, mommy! Don’t flush it! I want the family to stay together!” My 3 year old thinks his turds are a family.”
– byu/weeklongcape on Reddit
“2 year old, after we drove over some rumble strips:
What was that?! Was it my butt?!”
– byu/scottevil110 on Reddit
“My 3 year old had her face painted for the first time. She insisted on Spider-Man and, for the rest of the day, if we called her name, she would yell, “No! I’m not [name] I’m Spider-Man!”
Then she went off to use the potty and a minute later, I heard a little voice:
“Mummy? I don’t think Spider-Man usually needs someone to help him wipe his bottom after he does a poo, but maybe you can do it this time.””
– byu/tiptoe_only on Reddit
“My 2 year old checking out the crows with a pair of binoculars:
Frustrated, he starts yelling from inside of the house, “Stay still, crow! Stay still! I told you to stay still!””
– byu/bridiacuaird on Reddit
“My nephew is 5, and not allowed to go in the pool unsupervised since the water is over his head. Last week, while I was getting my suit on to go swim with him, I apparently took too long, because I heard a splash. Assuming the worst, I ran out in just a dirty towel from the floor and my bottoms, only to find my nephew, perfectly fine floating in the pool with his life jacket on. When I asked him why he didn’t wait, he replied, “I wasn’t going to jump, but then my brain said, “Who’s the boss?” And I’m the boss. And I wanted to go in.””
– byu/howaboutnothanksdude on Reddit
“5 year old: I’m very old actually. You know sharks?
5 year old (intently): I was the first one.”
– byu/witch-of-endor on Reddit
“When I asked how my 2nd grader’s day went after he got home:
“It was a series of unfortunate events. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Basically, he acquired a paper cut at school and his best friend was absent.”
– byu/getdatgoat on Reddit
“My kid speaks Korean, I do not, resulting in the following exchange.
Kiddo to me: Grab my foot neck, grab my foot neck.
Kiddo: MY FOOT NECK!! [as she frantically waves her foot in front of my face].
Me: Do you mean your ankle?!
Kiddo: Of course, what did you think I meant?
Evidently, the Korean word for ankle translates into, you guessed it, foot neck. And wrist? Hand neck.”
– byu/SeoulFeminist on Reddit
“My in-laws recently adopted an adorable black kitten. We don’t have any pets at my house and now is certainly not the time for me to change that, as I have a 2 month old daughter. But my 4 year old daughter didn’t see that as an obstacle. Here is how the exchange went:
Me: Do you want to see a picture of grandma’s new kitten?
4 year old: Yes! I wish we could have a cat.
Me: Maybe we can get one when we don’t have a baby anymore.
4 year old: Like when she’s dead?
Me: NO. Like when she’s older!!!”
– byu/Yershie on Reddit
“Six year old nephew on Christmas Eve when he came downstairs and caught us putting out the presents: “Don’t worry, I know you buy the presents. Santa has the best job, everybody else does his work and gives him the credit.””
– yanface on Reddit
“My favourite thing so far is when we were going through a photo album and pointing out family members.
Daughter: “Who’s that?”
Daughter: “Who’s that?”
Me: “Uncle Marc. And who’s that?” pointing to a picture of her.
Daughter: “That’s me!”
Me: “And who are you?”
Expecting her to say her name. Daughter whispers in a hoarse voice, “I’m Batman!””
– erires on Reddit
“I was explaining to my 4 year old son what muscles are and asked him to look at my biceps. He said, “Hold on. I need to go get my magnifying glass.” I didn’t even know what to say and my wife is still laughing about it.”
– Teh_Chap on Reddit
We cracked up while searching for these little gems, and we know you’re LOL-ing hard right now. So, share the laughs and make someone else’s day brighter too.