Having sex for the first time is something most people look forward to. The anticipation of how it’ll go, the confusion of what to do, the fear of whether your partner will enjoy it. There are thousands of things running through your mind as you get ready for this milestone. One might have dreamy, romantic comedy-inspired ideas about what their first time would be like, but they don’t always work out that way. We went diving into Reddit to find out what people really felt when they had sex for the first time. While some are sweet, others are hilarious and some others are outright ew.

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1. Do jism, ek jaan feels

Reddit user NowWithMoreChocolate shared, “When he was first inside me, he said, “We Are One.”
He quoted The Lion King 2 during sex. Luckily, I found it hilarious and it got rid of all the nerves for both of us but still. The Lion King 2.”

2. Then they lived happily ever after…or did they?

A now deleted account shared their first time, “Met up on a tinder date, we talked for a long time, then we went to Denny’s, then we were holding hands, then we got in her car and made out, and then she drove us to a quiet neighbourhood and then we banged in her back seat, she was super dry and I had to jerk off to finish. It was just like the movies.”

3. When sexy times turn into a family affair

distopian_dreamgirl shared, “Although the act itself was fairly non-traumatic, an hour later, the dog found the condom in the bin and brought it proudly to my father’s feet. I don’t know what was worse, the scream emitted from my poor Pa, or the fact my boyfriend hadn’t tied it before he threw it away.”

4. To the left, to the right, with heavenly might

thmsnorway shares, “The girl I lost my virginity to was crazy as shit. She wanted to try all of these positions, which I was down for, of course. We f*ked on the bed, f*ked on the floor, f*ked so long I grew a f*king afro. We f*ked to the left, we f*ked to the right. I ate that p*ssy like shrimp fried rice. Until she queefed on me. I laughed so hard I farted. Awkward.”

5. We stan queen behaviour

“My first time was with another girl and it was a great experience. We were a little awkward but there was a lot of mutual exploration and it was a really positive experience for both of us that brought us closer together. My first time with a man wasn’t the horror story that a lot of women here have but it was clear he cared a lot less about my pleasure than my ex-girlfriend did.”, shares yttrium39.

6. Taking precautions to a whole new level

“I was 16 and had been dating this girl for a couple of months. Her parents were out of town, so she wanted me to stay the night. We light a fire, lay down some blankets and start making out and stuff. She starts taking off her clothes, and mine. I’m stoked at this point. I have no clue what to do, so she gets on top, and the whole time I can’t focus on the fact that I’m actually having sex, and so I go limp. She asks if I’m going to cum, I get hard again and finally come. She gets off me, the condom is missing; I’m freaking out cause I think she’s gonna get pregnant even though she’s on birth control. In the morning, I call Planned Parenthood and ask how to get a condom out of a girl’s vagina, so I spend 10 minutes trying to get the condom out of her”, shared Reddit user thinkz.

7. Oh, bloody hell!

Things got a little bloody for Redditor kcmo816, who shared, “Lost my virginity at the age of 16 on Halloween night. My g/f at the time and I decided to have sex under a tree at the lake. Considering it was at night and not easy to see, we finished up and headed back to my house where I found out she was also a virgin because I had a white t-shirt on that was covered in blood at the bottom. My dad saw it and made a joke about my Halloween costume even though he knew exactly what had happened. Just didn’t want to embarrass us too badly.”

8. Well, it’s better than watching Hannibal making you his last meal

Talking about the first time they had sex, ManAmoeba shared, “I’ve told this story before, but when I was younger, I went around to my girlfriend’s house to watch a film (or so I thought) and she seduced me. She was three years older and had lost her virginity years before, so seducing someone wasn’t a big deal for her. The main issue was that the film was still playing in the background. It was The Silence of the Lambs. Hannibal Lecter watched me lose my virginity.”

9. When the sex is so bad that you black out

raventel shared, “My first time I had trouble finding the hole, had sex for about a minute before she made me stop ’cause it hurt too much, laid on the floor from exhaustion (not a very athletic person), girlfriend got me a glass of water and handed it to me, accidentally dumped the whole cup of water on me ’cause I blacked out for a second. Best night ever and I didn’t even cum.”

10. So, this is sex. How disappointing!

Platypus211 shared the story of losing their virginity, “Really, really underwhelming.
Scene: Back of my FWB’s car. Him: “Do you want to?” Me: wait what is he talking about? Ohh. That. “Sure, why not?” Internal monologue for the next few minutes: It’s in… so, this is sex. This is really not that exciting. Why do people make such a big deal about this?? Wait, isn’t it supposed to hurt the first time? I can barely feel that. This is disappointing. Done yet? No? Yes. Aaand we’re done. I do remember him saying “This is your first time, isn’t it?” at one point and he seemed to really like that. When we finished, I got to listen to him talk about his ex who he was still hung up on for a bit (just what I wanted, really), then I went back to school for the finals review session I was supposed to be attending.”

11. A jugaad is not always a good idea

“My ex and I were idiots. Our first time having sex, we were too scared to buy condoms, because both of our parents were well known in a small town of fundamentalist Christians. So instead of using a condom like responsible children, we used two or three pieces of saran wrap. Needless to say, I’m sure it was horrible, but our sex-addled young minds thought it was amazing.”, is how pissartist describes their experience of losing their virginity.

12. When your sex voices sound too porny for real life

“To be totally fair, I’ve been accused of faking it because I get a little too vocal at times. I’m glad I don’t record sex because I’d be ashamed at how disgustingly porny I sound. Also, I was once with a guy with whom I was his first with most things, and maybe he wasn’t the best at going down on me, but I did enjoy it a lot more due to the novelty of him asking ever so politely if it was something he could try since he never had before.”, shares PancakeQueen13.

13. At least, Tuesday was better!

Here’s how it went for MethylBenzene the day they lost their virginity.
“Me: My parents are gone for a while.
Her: I’m coming over.
Me: We’re doing this.
Her: We’re doing this.
Towel, foreplay, condom on.
Both: How do we get this stuff to fit together. Where do the legs go? Ok, this seems to be working.
dogs bark
Both: Oh shit are people back?
dogs are actually just barking at nothing
REPEAT PREVIOUS
Finish
Me: Well that was kinda stressful.
Her: Yeah.
Me: We should just do this in an abandoned field next time.
Her: Tuesday?
Me: Tuesday.
Tuesday was better.”

14. Better than finishing off in just 30 seconds!

FuzzyWazzyWasnt had a very interesting experience. They shared, “I ended up lasting 45ish minutes the first time due to me finding her ridiculously unattractive naked. She randomly asked something along the lines of “you find me hot and sexy” to which I said “nope”. She thought I was joking…. so we had sex 5 more times.
FYI: 6 times having sex in a night will make it hard to pee, move, wear jeans, scratch your balls, jog/run, shower, jump, sit down, and you won’t be able to masturbate for the next week. I went to work the next day (lifeguarding) and if anyone started drowning, the best I could have done was throw them my tube.”

15. It might have been bad, but at least laughably so

It’s awkwardness galore in Gogogadgetskates‘ first-time sex story. “It was just a whole bunch of awkward. I had no clue what I was doing. Guy claimed to know what he was doing but I’m not sure if I agree with that. My legs weren’t long enough to straddle him. At one point he fell off the bed. He realized he was about to orgasm but wanted to last longer so he ran into the bathroom?? It was laughably bad.”

16. A whole new meaning to paying to get laid

“Me and my girlfriend at the time were both virgins and we both wanted it to be special and secluded so we picked a night to give it a go. I told my older brother, who I was living with at the time, to go out that night with friends and don’t come home. I even gave him $100 to make sure he had a good night with his friends too. So later that night, I had this wonderful evening planned out. I cooked my girlfriend her favourite dinner and we ate it by candlelight. Then, we started to slow dance for a bit because she loved to dance, and then it was time to go into my bedroom. 25-30 minutes in, we were having sex and getting ready to come, when all of a sudden my brother comes home super drunk, barges into my room and started screaming, “Yo bro, I need another $100. That last one you gave me ran out!” And then proceeded to throw up on my bedroom floor. Needless to say, nobody came that night.”, shared LadiesmanBumblebee.

Well, reading all these losing virginity stories was fun! While some Redditors give us hope for a pleasant time ahead, some of their experiences are enough to stay single for the rest of our lives. Well, peeps, whichever way you go, don’t forget to be happy, take consent, and have fun!

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