Adult friendships are no joke, especially when it requires a shared Excel sheet with time, place, and date options to nail down a catch-up with everyone. But they do hold a special place in our hearts, and that is why, after constant rescheduling, one meet-up makes up for all the chaos. Such friends are supposed to help you unwind, cheer you on, celebrate you, and be with you through thick and thin. But if your friendship(s) have been draining you more than uplifting you, you might need to address the glaring red flags. If it constantly feels like you are the planner, therapist, and cheerleader who always remembers all the dates but never gets the same effort back, you might be in a one-sided relationship. Here are one-sided friendship signs that you might have been overlooking or denying.

Signs of a one-sided friendship

If you feel you’ve been doing all the emotional heavy lifting to carry the weight of your friendship, you are on to something. When your bestie fails to do the bare minimum, you must realise you deserve better friends and move the hell on. Here are the signs of a one-sided friendship and what to do if you’re in one.

1. You’re always the one making plans

You always initiate, catch up, or follow up with your bestie, from ‘how are you’ to making plans to meet. If you don’t text them for a week, there likely would be no conversation happening from their end. It’s not about keeping track, but rather about recognising the effort. A mutual friendship shouldn’t feel like a solo project. Both of you don’t get to take the credit for maintaining the relationship when, in reality, you’re the one who is making all the effort.

2. They are there during the highs and go MIA during lows

The real test of a good friendship is not in sipping margaritas together to celebrate big wins. It is in who shows up when you’re going through a low phase. If your friend didn’t have your back when you got laid off or when you were moving on, but showed up for your fully paid birthday vacation, you need to spot the red flags. Someone who is only available during the good, fun, exciting times but goes MIA when you actually need them was never a good friend to begin with.

3. Their issues are important, but yours are just an inconvenience

You are always expected to give them full attention, turn into their unpaid therapist, and cheer them on when they have to go for their dental appointment. But when the roles are reversed, the replies get shorter, phone calls are returned days later, and a dry ‘I’m here for you’ text pops up after a week of ghosting you. After a point, you are either holding things back, not opening up or just nodding along when they redirect the topic to themselves mindlessly. That’s not how a true friend treats you, and this is one of the biggest signs of a one-sided friendship to look out for.

4. They are always available for others, but not so much for you

Relationships are difficult to maintain, especially when everyone is busy with their lives. It’s not easy to match timelines, find the right day and place, and make it happen. But take a quick minute and go back to all the times when your friend was unavailable to meet because they were swamped with work. Now take another minute and recall all the times you’ve seen them posting lunch, drinks, and trip stories on their IG with their other friends. If they are always so busy, how are they making time for others? More importantly, how do they never have time to catch up with you? That’s a glaring sign of a one-sided friendship, and you know that has happened more than you would like to admit.

5. They make you feel like the side character

No matter what the occasion, gathering, or group is, your friend will always take the spotlight and treat themselves as the main character. You might be going through a breakup, but they are the real champions for cheering you on through lame WhatsApp forwards. It might be your birthday, but let’s all sit down for the tenth retelling of how their partner surprised them for their birthday. It is a pattern where they always make you feel like the side character and never acknowledge or feel any shame about it.

What to do if you’re in a one-sided friendship

It might feel awkward, overwhelming, or uncomfortable to talk about this or confront them about their behaviour. But if you’ve spotted these one-sided friendship signs, it is time to rip the band-aid and get yourself out of the situation.

1. Acknowledge it without sugarcoating things

It is hard to admit that the friendship you’ve put so much time and effort into is a mere one-sided relationship. But living in denial is only going to hurt you more. So, analyse their behaviour and understand what they’re doing. Sometimes, accepting that maybe this isn’t meant to be is better than living a false narrative.

2. Confront them politely

Don’t feel overly apologetic or sorry for doing what you’re doing. Tell them how you feel and why you’re feeling it without overexplaining or getting into an argument. You’re there to clarify your stance, not get gaslit into thinking it is your mistake or misconception. Their reaction will reveal how willing they are to meet you halfway or cut ties without a second thought.

3. Let them have a taste of their own medicine

Before pulling the plug on your one-sided friendship, give your bestie a taste of their own medicine. Start pulling back little by little. Don’t respond to their texts immediately, and even leave them on seen for a couple of days. Stop making plans, initiating conversations, or replying to their stories, and give them space to realise and step up. If they are a true friend, they’ll check in with you. But if you don’t see any effort, you know where you stand and what you need to do.

4. Reset boundaries and choose yourself

Boundaries in any relationship are important because they help you know when to draw the line. Not every text needs an immediate reply, and not every call needs to be answered. You’re not there to fix all of their problems. Respecting your time, effort, and peace is more important in such situations. If you know a conversation or two can sort things out between you guys, work on it. But if you know this friendship is going down the drain, walk away from it gracefully. Choose yourself; no explanations required.

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