Remember how easy it was to make friends in school or college? Friendships in childhood and teenage years often happened by chance. You shared lunch, joined the same sports team, bunked classes, or just passed a pen to someone when they lost theirs. Suddenly, you had a friend. And that’s how I met my best friend. I was sitting alone when I saw she had nowhere to sit, so I offered her a seat. It’s been over 15 years and we’re still homies. But she chose to embrace adulthood and moved to a different city, so now, I desperately need new friends to hang out with. How do I find them, though? Even the thought of having coffee with someone new feels exhausting. Relatable, right?

Related: Admin Night: Why Getting Your Life Together Is The New Friday Night Plan

Why is it hard to make friends as an adult?

Childhood or teenage friendships have always been easier as there was no overthinking involved and our social energy was practically limitless. Fast forward to adulthood, and everything has changed. Work, family responsibilities, and packed schedules leave little room for spontaneous connections. Socialising now requires planning, coordination, and emotional bandwidth that many of us simply don’t have after a long day. Even when you want to meet new people on weekends, you are physically and mentally exhausted. So, you stay home, sleeping in on weekends.

Sometimes, you step out to meet new people and socialise. Someone even matches your vibe and you reach the friendship stage. But then it becomes hectic to sustain the bond. Gradually, you delay plans, make excuses, and become acquaintances who follow each other on Instagram. With this, you’re also back to square one, wondering, why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

Just a text away, yet so far

Making friends as an adult has always been difficult, but now more than ever. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, we became physically distanced and emotionally isolated. We got so used to communicating through texts, voice notes, and video calls that real‑life interaction started feeling unfamiliar, even awkward. A message thread can stretch for days but the thought of calling someone, hearing their voice, or meeting up in person feels draining. And when we do meet, many of us find ourselves tired within an hour. It’s not because we don’t want connection, but because socialising feels like work instead of leisure. People struggle to fill awkward silences rather than embrace them.

The loneliness epidemic: Why the current generation is desperately craving connection

Despite having several platforms to connect with people, many young adults report profound loneliness. A study by Creew reveals that 79 per cent of Gen Z worldwide experience loneliness, compared with 71 per cent of millennials, 50 per cent of Gen X, and 39 per cent of Baby Boomers. This makes Gen Z and millennials the loneliest generations. The paradox is striking: we are constantly connected, yet feel increasingly isolated.

Social media gives the illusion of intimacy. Likes, DMs, and group chats create a sense of being seen. But they often replace the depth, nuance, and emotional reassurance of in-person interactions that make us human. The increasing use of dating apps has also made people wary of investing in new connections. Social media burnout and the loneliness it causes are real. So, how do you overcome them to invest in friendships that don’t drain you?

Related: Gen Z Is A Social Butterfly, Yet Isolated: Why Are They So Lonely?

How to make friends as an adult, especially in the current times

The trick is still easy if you encourage yourself to step away from the digital world a little. Touch grass, and join clubs and other communities, including supper clubs, to meet new people. If you are into art and literature, take pottery classes or attend book clubs to put yourself around people who already share your interests, making it easier for you to socialise. This will also help you strike up a conversation more easily if you are an introvert or someone who struggles to express themselves in public. If you vibe with a few people during social events, try to keep up with the bond. If they are okay with sharing social handles and seem equally interested in being friends with you, try to talk to each other regularly. Plan meet-ups and actually show up.

Making friends in today’s world is also about embracing the awkwardness. Adult friendships rarely have the safety net of proximity or shared schedules like school did. You won’t get to meet each other daily, making it a bit hard to get comfortable with each other’s presence. You might say the wrong thing, or the conversation might fizzle, and that’s okay. Trying, failing, and trying again is part of finding the people who actually click with you. The reward isn’t just more friends, it’s discovering connections that make the effort worth it.

Related: 6 Signs You’ve Outgrown A Friendship And It’s Time To Call It Quits Without Feeling Guilty

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FAQs

Q1. How do we know if someone wants to be friends or is just being polite?

You can observe if they initiate conversations, suggest plans, or follow through consistently. If yes, they want to be friends with you.

Q2. Why does it feel harder to meet friends who truly get us without trying hard?

Adult friendships require time and effort. So, you should be patient and let them understand your behaviour and emotions.

Q3. How do we know if we have outgrown a friendship?

If the conversations feel forced or you feel drained after meeting them, it’s a sign that you might have outgrown the friendship.

Q4. How do we identify a toxic friendship?

If your friend doesn’t appreciate your wins or disappears when you need their emotional support, you might be in a toxic friendship. Here are some other signs to identify a toxic friendship.

Q5. How do we hang out with friends when we have life admin tasks to do?

If you and your friends struggle to meet because of life admin tasks, host an admin night to get work done and have fun together. Here’s how.