I love weddings, beta ji. But what I don’t love is Delhi’s obsession with night-time winter weddings. Why can’t we get married in the sunehri dhoop, bachche? Why must we have thandi-thandi dew falling on our heads at every wedding? Anyway, you know how important I am in this city and how much all my bachchas need me. So, I have to attend every wedding that I’m invited to (and some that I’m not invited to). This unfortunate reality has made me a wedding veteran in Delhi which puts me in the best position to help my babies. Here’s how to survive a winter wedding in Delhi.

Acceptance

Don’t live in denial of the climate, bachche, you are not a world leader. The first step to solving any problem is acceptance. Maan lo that it is bitterly cold and that you have to cover up, no matter how much you have worked out and fasted for this shaadi. You can wear a really tight, full-sleeved blouse with your saree to show off your curves. Or even a trendy long coat that is so tight you can barely breathe. The point is that you don’t have to shiver to look hot.

Related: 8 Ways To Rock A Saree In Winter Like A Bollywood Diva

Reach early and grab the heater tables

Now here’s a pukka way of being hot. You know how the best tables around heaters are always occupied? Well, here’s the trick. Reach early like all those bibbis and never leave your battle stations unmanned. Even if you have to hire someone specifically for this job during shaadi season. Your warmth is worth the mindless expense, bachche.

Dark-coloured alcohol

This is one of the best ways to survive a winter wedding in Delhi. As soon as you reach, head to the bar and get a shot of any alcohol that isn’t clear. The darker, the better, beta ji. Dark-coloured alcohol is guaranteed to keep you warm and snuggly even in sub-zero temperatures. You will need about 3-4 of these shots over the course of the night so that the heating effect does not wear off.

Dance like you missed a month of cardio

All day, every day, you keep saying fitness is your passion. Now is the time to show it. Take over the dance floor and do your best Manjulika impression. The faster you move, the hotter you will feel. Just make sure all your pins are in place because we don’t want parts of your outfit and hairpiece flying into an uncle’s drink, do we?

Go home before midnight

There is no shame in leaving a wedding early, bachche. After all, is there any better place to spend a winter night than in your own blanket? Don’t worry, the dulha-dulhan will understand. They’re freezing too, they just can’t leave. Nahi toh shagan ke lifaafe kaise milenge?

If all else fails, take a blanket and a heater with you to every wedding to really make them notice your discomfort. You may not get anything for it, but you will forever be known as the most memorable guest of the wedding.

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