No one ever admits it, but situationships are way worse than bad first dates or awkward friendzone conversations. In situationships, you both know that you’re more than friends, you go out on dates, flirt a lot, share romantic reels with each other, and do everything without the tag of a ‘relationship’. And suddenly, you stop talking without any closure. You start seeing other people, and the pattern follows. Different person, same confusion. That’s when you question why you keep attracting situationships even when you want something serious. You get stuck in a grey area, hooked to a romanticised future with a so-called potential partner. In reality, you don’t even know what you mean to them. But don’t blame yourself or fate for your doomed dating life. It’s not you; it’s your attachment style that attracts situationships.

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How attachment styles influence dating patterns

According to Amir Levine, a psychiatrist at Columbia University, our attachment styles affect the way we express emotions, approach intimacy, and deal with relationship conflicts. Anxious people often love excessively and connect deeply with people in a short span of time. People with avoidant attachment styles enjoy connections until the question of commitment arises. Over time, these habits quietly repeat themselves, leading to repeated dating patterns. That’s why situationships don’t just happen. They are the emotionally safe middle ground your attachment style slips into.

The attachment style that attracts situationships

There are four attachment styles in psychology: anxious, avoidant, secure, and disorganised. Among these attachment styles, some cling to hope, some avoid expectations, and others swing between wanting closeness and pushing it away. Here are the attachment styles that land you in messy situationships.

Anxious attachment style (preoccupied)

Do you find yourself thinking you’re being “too much” for someone or overthinking a regular “Hey!”? You might have an anxious attachment style. You fall in love at first sight and are ready to surrender your entire world to someone you met a few days ago. That’s why it’s easy for you to fall into the trap of situationships. Gradually, you start confusing potential with reality, making emotional limbo harder to leave than it should be.

How to get over situationships as a person with an anxious attachment style

Choose clarity over potential. Try not to hate yourself for being sensitive or repress your emotions. Create distance, don’t reread their old texts or create fake scenarios. Don’t seek closure or reassurance. Instead, channel your emotions into something creative that you love. And most importantly, don’t immediately run to someone else to get over your situationship; you might regret it.

Avoidant attachment style (dismissive)

You love the idea of love until someone asks, “So, what are we?” Suddenly, you feel the urge to vanish into thin air. You attract situationships because you can easily seek intimacy and validation without commitment. No labels, no pressure, no uncomfortable conversations. That’s why avoidant daters stay in situationships longer than they should.

How to get over situationships as a person with avoidant attachment style

Do the only thing you’re an expert at avoiding: feeling the emotions and letting them out. You can do this by delaying your distraction reflex. When the urge to occupy your brain with work, travel, or a new crush hits, pause for a moment and notice if you’re trying to avoid your feelings. That tiny window of awareness helps you register the end of your last situationship. It also compels you to give yourself some time before talking to someone new, so you don’t repeat the same pattern.

Disorganised attachment style (fearful-avoidant)

People with a disorganised attachment style are a mix of anxious and avoidant. You are constantly torn between seeking intimacy and fearing it at the same time. This is why you attract situationships as they mirror your inner conflict. You naturally attract partners who are fine with staying in an undefined bond. But this push-and-pull keeps you on the edge, not giving you the real connection you low-key want.

How to get over situationships as a person with a disorganised attachment style

You confuse situationships for intense romantic bonds that affect you long after they end. So, set a non-negotiable no-contact period of at least 30 days to help you get over them. Try journaling your thoughts about how you wanted the closure, your sassy comebacks to their ghosting, and everything you wanted to say to your situationship partner. Channel your energy effectively into work or other hobbies without seeing them as a coping mechanism.

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FAQs

Q1. Which attachment style is difficult to love?

According to The Attachment Project, dating a person with a disorganised attachment style is the most difficult, as they desire love and acceptance but fear getting hurt.

Q2. Do fearful-avoidants fall in love quickly?

People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style either fall in love within weeks or take much longer to feel connected and to reciprocate affection.

Q3. Is there anything worse than a situationship?

Yes, nanoships are worse than situationships as they are short, flirtatious attachments that last some minutes to a day. They spark intense passion for a few minutes, only to end abruptly, leaving you disappointed in the long run.

Q4. Why are situationships hard to get over?

It can be difficult for people to get over situationships as they keep you stuck in the ‘what-if’. You mourn the lost potential of the relationship more than the reality of it.

Q5. How should we get over a situationship?

To get over a situationship, try to stop romanticising the potential and start accepting the reality. Create distance, set clear boundaries, and remind yourself that clarity and consistency aren’t “too much”; they’re the bare minimum.