You might have heard the term ‘mankeeping’ floating around on the internet, and you’re probably wondering if it’s another Gen Z invention to make you feel old. Spoiler: it’s not new and you may be ruining your relationship because of it. So, here’s what mankeeping means and how to stop doing it.

What is mankeeping?

Mankeeping is the invisible job description women often find themselves saddled with in relationships. It’s not just about cooking or cleaning; it’s the emotional, mental, and social administration you’re handling to keep a grown man functioning like, well, a grown man.

It’s reminding him to book his doctor’s appointment, making sure he eats more than just momos for dinner, or being the human calendar who keeps track of his mother’s birthday because dates just slip his mind. In short, it’s being his girlfriend and his personal assistant.

From organising rakhi gifts for his sisters to reminding him to take Crocin when he’s sick, and tracking his cholesterol reports while he says “thoda rest karlo, sab theek ho jayega,” you make sure his life runs smoothly. And darling, this kind of parental work for somebody else’s son doesn’t look cute on you.

Why do women mankeep in relationships?

It’s partly cultural, partly conditioning. Women, especially Indian women, were raised to be the “organised ones”, the “nurturers”, the ones who just know when the milk’s about to run out. Meanwhile, society often gives men a free pass to “just not be good at that stuff”. And before you know it, you’re running an entire domestic HR department without ever applying for the job.

Now that you know that you have been mankeeping, here’s how to stop. It’s not easy, but neither is mothering a grown adult. So if you can do that, you can do this too.

Now, I’m not saying you should throw in the towel and walk away. This is fixable. Here are a few things that help:

• Stop being the default. If he asks, “What’s for dinner?” say, “Whatever you cook”.
• Let him fail. Didn’t remember his mom’s birthday? That’s his problem, not yours.
• Communicate. Sit down and have that chat about shared responsibility. No one likes it, but it saves resentment later.
• Check yourself. Sometimes, we slip into mankeeping mode out of habit. It’s okay to step back.

Mankeeping isn’t love, it’s labour. And the sooner we stop glamorising it as “caring”, the sooner we can reclaim our energy for things we actually want to do.

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