Women, have you ever felt an instant romantic spark with someone you just met? After trauma-bonding for three dates, they get you gifts, constantly make romantic gestures, and take an interest in your family to build emotional intimacy. They have convinced you to plan a trip with them and even talk about a future together. It feels like you’ve finally met the love of your life, except you haven’t. Their seemingly green flag energy might make you feel you’re ready to be their life partner. But don’t fall for the trap; your partner might be future faking you.

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What is future faking in dating?

As the name suggests, future faking is a dating trend in which people in relationships make unrealistic promises about a shared future with their partner. They talk about commitment, stability, and long-term plans without making efforts to bring them to fruition. Such people use the love bombing technique in a relationship as the primary step in future faking. They’ll give you undivided attention, praise or flirt with you all the time, try to cuddle with you or initiate acts of physical intimacy. But don’t mistake them for romantics; they are deliberately using emotional reassurance to manipulate you to get into a relationship with them. According to Psychology Today, narcissistic and abusive men use such toxic, manipulative techniques to prevent their partners from leaving them.

Future faking: Are you an easy target?

Narcissistic men use future faking to seek physical intimacy, emotional control, and validation without wanting to commit to their partners. The promised future keeps the other person emotionally invested while the narcissist enjoys a position of power in the relationship. Generally, abusive men target emotionally vulnerable but ambitious women who might have anxious attachment styles, research suggests.

Signs of future faking that every woman must look out for

Future faking can happen to anyone, no matter how careful you think you are. Here are both evident and subtle signs of future faking in dating that you should notice to leave the relationship early.

Your partner might be future faking you if they:

• Talk about your shared future very early in the relationship, but avoid making a present-day commitment.
• Get anxiously reassuring when you doubt their future plans.
• Make future plans verbally but rarely follow through.
• Avoid defining the relationship while discussing long-term future plans.
• Become defensive when you ask for clarity or consistency.
• Promise to introduce each other’s families, but repeatedly make excuses to avoid it.
• Make grand romantic gestures that feel performative rather than heartfelt.
• Blame you or your overthinking when the “promised” future plans don’t happen, instead of taking accountability.
• Tie you to a false hope, keeping you waiting for that “one day” to come.

The future of your relationship shouldn’t feel like a distant dream

A stable future with your partner should always be a shared effort in the present, not a fantasy that keeps you waiting for nothing. If you notice signs of future faking in your partner, try to observe if they are doing anything to make things better. Focus on their patterns and leave the relationship without second thoughts if they don’t take accountability. If you feel guilty for leaving them or doubt creeps in, seek support from your close friends, family, or a therapist. You deserve someone who doesn’t use your ambitions to control you. 

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FAQs

Q1. Can future faking happen in long-term relationships?

Yes, future faking can happen in long-term relationships if the partner is a narcissist or an abuser. Such people use this manipulative tactic to keep you invested in their lives despite their repeated poor treatment. 

Q2. What is the usual attachment style of future fakers?

People practising future faking include narcissists and abusers who have fearful-avoidant attachment styles. They target people with anxious attachment styles who can easily fall for their unrealistic promises about the future.

Q3. Can future faking happen on dating apps?

Yes, future faking often happens on dating apps, as it is easier for controlling narcissists to lure anxious people into false intimacy.

Q4. Is future faking always intentional?

Future faking can be unintentional. Some people genuinely believe the promises they make in the moment but lack the emotional readiness or consistency to follow through.

Q5. What are subtle future faking signs people miss?

If your partner has big future plans for both of you, but they lack the effort in building them, you can take it as a subtle sign of future faking in the relationship.