If you’ve been anywhere on Twitter in the past few days, you would have seen someone raging about the Voltas Beko dishwasher ad. But it’s fine, you guys. It’s only enlightening us about the magic that real moms possess. They’re not like the rest of us — lesser mortals roaming around pretending to be moms or existing without ovaries. It’s not even a men vs women debate this time. Those are over. Done. The men won while the women were shaving their hairless legs.

This is about real moms now, and it’s about making it clear who the superior being is. This is why it is only real moms who should be washing all the dishes at home. We eat off these dishes, they must be pure. Voltas Beko made it clear — washing dishes is meant for real moms. So I don’t know why I would even need to convince you further at this point, but here goes. Please don’t dispute these facts, they are scientifically proven, okay?

Here’s why real moms should be the only ones washing dishes. Not men or childless women or anyone else who hasn’t birthed a child.

The magic real mom touch turns sabzi grease into solid gold

Yes, it’s true. Once the real mom of your house is done washing dishes, please make sure you store all the washed dishes in a dry, clean space. Check after 24 hours to see the gold layer shining on the dishes, waiting to be scraped and sold. But be very, very careful. Even 0.1 percent humidity or a single speck of dust can make this gold vanish like it never existed.

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A hormone, unique to women, boosts immunity…

… for the scrubber. If your dishwashing scrubber gets infected, is there any hope for you? You need to make sure the scrubber’s immunity is top notch. And making real moms do the dishes is the best way to ensure this. I know you didn’t know this, but women secrete this unique hormone during PMS which boosts immunity of any surface they touch. While all women have this superhuman ability, it is way more concentrated in real moms.

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Real moms washing bartans helps the economy

Very simple explanation for this. Continuous bartan washing for at least two hours creates elbow grease. This is a rare, magical essence which can be bottled and sold. Each 2.5 ml bottle costs about Rs 25,000, which is incredible for the economy. And in a year like 2020, what else do we need?

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Fake moms, non-moms, and men can poison dishes unknowingly

This is because of their self-centred attitudes which doesn’t allow them to wash the dishes happily. In several instances recorded in a secret city deep inside the Pacific Ocean, when anyone except a real mom washed the dishes, the whole household would be poisoned. The collective flatulence of these specific households was out of control for at least 10-12 days. During one particularly bad episode, dogs as far as Vietnam nearly choked with the stench. Do we really want to take that risk? Do we?

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Real moms don’t use soap

They use love. Washing dishes with regular dishwashing soap is for regular folk who don’t have access to a real mom.

We should be thanking the makers of the Voltas Beko dishwasher ad. They’ve enlightened the whole world about real moms and bartans. Men, please stop pretending to be woke and get your dirty, non-magical hands off my dishes.

Watch the ad here:

Voltas Beko has now issued a statement regarding this ad:

“As a brand, Voltas Beko has always celebrated the spirit of womanhood in all our campaigns. Likewise in this advertisement, we captured a fun, casual conversation between four independent and spirited friends who got together over a video call during the lockdown. One of the characters in the video refers to how the family has been managing household chores, with her husband taking over the responsibility of washing dishes. This is when the protagonist of the film recommends a dishwasher. Our products have been developed to create convenience and comfort for all our customers, and are gender agnostic.”