Men will use every trick under the sun to get out of doing household chores. So it’s only fair that women employ a few tricks of their own. If your husband refuses to do household chores, use these tricks to make sure you never have to pick up after the man-child ever again. I have tried all of these, bachche. And let me tell you, my success rate is 100 per cent.

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General cleaning

Put his things in the wrong places all the time. Does his toothbrush lie unprotected on the bathroom counter? Put it in a mug in the shower area. Do his socks rest on the floor for hours? Throw them in the dustbin. You get the gist. Eventually, he’ll get so sick of losing things that he’ll ask you to stop touching them and clean these areas himself.

Laundry

Just toss in a red sock with his white shirt once and you’ll be free of this chore for life. He’ll get so scared of your “clumsiness” that he’ll insist on washing his clothes himself. Also, if he tries to divide and conquer by asking you to put them out to dry or iron them, conveniently forget things in the washing machine. And burn a couple of shirts while ironing. Sorted.

Everyday dusting

Use that bottle of Colin and dusting kapda like weapons. Approach the most expensive gadget he owns and point the Colin spray nozzle directly at it. Make sure he can see you. When he charges towards you to protect his precious device, screaming and shouting, throw the kapda at him and say, “Show me how it’s done then if you know so much”. Repeat this “mistake” till he just takes the dusting kapda from you.

Cooking

Add extra “love” to every meal. That love can be salt, garam masala, oil, sugar, anything at all. It just needs to be obvious enough for him to point it out. Defend it with all your might. “This is what my mother taught me, show me what yours taught you,” “You know better than me about nutrition? Prove it.” This works really well on husbands who go to the gym and claim to be fitness freaks.

Doing homework with the kids

This one is so easy, bachche. Bas saatvein aasmaan pe chadhaana hai bhaisaab ko. Make him believe that he is the most knowledgeable, the smartest man who ever lived. Phir dekho kaise maths and science nikalti hai. You can also take it a step further and start saying absolute nonsense around the house. “The moon looks so sunny today, no?” or “I think Trump should just become prime minister of the world”.

Men love feeling superior to women and that genetic flaw isn’t going to change anytime soon. So, ladies, you might as well use it to your advantage. How do you deal with your husband’s weaponised incompetence? Tell me in the comments!

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