Hello, bachche. I’m back! I know you missed me but I had a super important, world-changing job to do. Remember when my friends and I discovered Anupamaa and promised to go on a binge to catch up?

Related: Aunty Eve Talks: Why All My Friends And I Just LOVE Anupamaa

Well, some of us didn’t make it, mostly because Mrs Duggal kept taking naps after every three episodes and we would have to pause the show for her. But she graciously stepped aside (I told her to get lost) for the greater good. And we resumed our Mega Anupamaa binge. Yes, it has 500+ episodes and yes, there will probably be five more zeroes added to that number before this show ends. But my mighty warriors and I achieved the impossible and watched it all. And you know what? I have come to some life-altering realisations while watching.

Why are you even trying to save the marriage, Anu ben? Take that house, demand alimony, go on a holiday, get a job (I mean, pursue more alimony), and let the family fend for themselves. They’re adults! My opinion about the kids has not changed. No matter how much they try, P & P are evil spawns, inside and out. Samar also weirds me out TBH.

So much emoshunn, uff. Aunty Eve is tough, you know. I don’t waste my diamond-like tears on just anything. But when Anupamaa ben gets her job back at the school, even Aunty Eve had to wipe away tears. Sniff.

OMG! Someone kill off Leela in the show please. She is a dhabba on the Baa brand. Leela reminds me too much of my own MIL and one of that species is one too many for humanity.

Ooh, Anupamaa works out. That swing and slap she pulled off while throwing Kavya out of the house needs some intense muscle power. You go, future protein shake brand ambassador.

Oh god, random uncle in hospital with bad wig. Ladkon ka rona is not such a big deal. They can barely handle a cold, of course, boys will cry at the drop of a hat. Also, please excuse me. Why are the men of the house trying to look like sweet, sacrificial lambs for taking up household chores? This family full of overworked bahus is so many levels of cringe. Ew.

Aunty Eve LOVES Rakhi ben. Such a practical woman with a lot of money, looking out for her daughter while being confident in her questionable fashion choices. Just like Aunty Eve, she needs to know everything happening everywhere at all times. And she loves drama! Everyone knows people who love drama are my soulmates. I think they chose the wrong villain. She’s a hero IMO.

Anupamaa also has intensely hilarious moments, bachche. The best comedies in Hollywood cannot pull off some of the stuff that has been pulled off here. I have not laughed so hard in a long time as I did when “VANRAJ SHAH IS BACK” happened. OMG, bachche, comedic gold!

Okay, Aunty Eve doesn’t really like Anuj too much. Far too righteous for my liking. I would’ve preferred a male Rakhi Dave as Anuj. That would have been fun for Anu ben. But no, he had to be a pure good boy with not an evil bone in his body.

The puja overload is real! See, beta, I am not a religious person. Biryani on Eid and kaju ki barfi on Diwali are the only reasons I celebrate religious festivals. And ugh, my MIL has not let me hear the end of it since 1990. But she walked in on my Anupamaa binge and left feeling personally victorious every time she saw a puja on my screen.  Which was almost every 10th episode. I have not had to sit through as many pujas in my life as I did during this Anupamaa sesh, beta ji. Uff! Now, my MIL thinks I am reformed and is constantly shouting at Alexa to play kirtan. Fortunately, Alexa listens to no one. Thanks, Jeff.

Okay, fine. I admit. Anupamaa and Anuj are kinda cute together. #MaAn for the win!

Vote for Bapuji. I generally don’t like men, beta ji. But Bapuji is quite epic. We love him and his determination to have black hair even as a great grandparent. We don’t love that on Leela. We like nothing about Leela.

Binge-watching Anupamaa is not a good idea! The background flute, school principal waale lectures, and constant Aaaaaaaaaaaaa will give you a headache. Anupamaa fatigue is real, bachche. Now, I need to detox with a bottle of wine and a straw.