In the age of emotionally unavailable men, golden retriever (GR) boyfriends have emerged as the perfect partners. They are soft, kind, social, and very likeable. If you have a golden retriever boyfriend, the internet will approve, and you might feel you’ve hit the jackpot. I hate to break it to you, however, that a golden retriever boyfriend might not be as great as you think. Here’s why.

The rise and fall of golden retriever boyfriends

Golden retrievers are known for being affectionate, loyal, easy-going, and sociable, and so are golden retriever boyfriends. But as they say, the qualities that seem sweet in the beginning end up becoming the noose around your neck. This applies to GR boyfriends too. Their expressive nature manifests as the soft boy needing your attention and love 24×7. And no matter how much you love it in the beginning, it gets annoying over time, so much so that you just want to run in the opposite direction away from that GR. You need to pamper them and be their emotional anchor constantly, which can get quite exhausting faster than you think.

The downfall of the GR boyfriend came with The Summer I Turned Pretty’s latest season, where Jeremiah went from being a total GR to a total red flag. And this is the internet’s collective opinion. While he was annoyingly positive in previous seasons, the new season brought to light the real, painful side of not just Jeremiah but GR boyfriends in general. The kindness and expressiveness soon turn into indecisiveness and irresponsibility. People-pleasing is an inherent trait that they just can’t get rid of. In order to remain that warm ball of sunshine that everyone loves, they fail to draw boundaries not only for themselves but also for their partners. They can’t say no, which ripples into your life because they have to be available for everyone all the time.

Phil, Rocky, and the problem we keep ignoring

Take Modern Family’s Phil as an example. His goofy personality works because Claire is the decision-maker in the house. She manages everything to the tiniest detail, allowing Phil to be indecisive and childish. Plus, there are many instances where Phil’s people-pleasing instincts land him in trouble, and Claire has to rescue him. In Bollywood, Rocky Randhawa is the ultimate GR boyfriend, but he struggles with the same issues of people-pleasing. He fails to stand up to anyone, including his own family.

There’s quite a thin line between being a GR man and a manchild, and more often than not, most iconic GRs from pop culture slip into the latter category. Even Chandler Bing, who is the poster boy for GR boyfriends, falls into a similar trap. Chandler starts as a goofy man, but he relies on Monica to manage the “feelings” in the relationship. He asks her to tell him what to do, and when she doesn’t, he ends up proposing to her. The only reason Chandler manages to win our hearts is that Monica is a control freak. Chandler’s indecisiveness is balanced by Monica’s need to control every decision. Remove Monica from the picture, and Chandler turns into a manchild who can’t seem to do things on his own.

What do we need?

Don’t get me wrong, the golden retriever boyfriend is wonderful at making you feel adored. What he’s not always great at is conflict, growth, and decision-making. The golden retriever boyfriend often doesn’t have enough going on outside of you. His hobbies become your hobbies. His friend group fades because he’d rather hang out with you. His ambitions take a backseat to yours. But it’s exhausting being someone’s sun. You can’t have an off day without feeling guilty. You can’t pursue something for yourself without worrying about neglecting him. And God forbid you need space. He’ll give it to you, but he’ll be sad about it, and now you’re managing his feelings about your feelings.

So maybe what we need isn’t a boyfriend that can be equated with a puppy. Maybe we need a grown man who knows how to manage his own feelings without hurting ours. And if you’re a GR boyfriend reading this, this is your chance to grow. Don’t be offended by a stranger’s opinion on the internet; you can’t please everyone.

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Related: Do You Have A Golden Retriever Partner? Take This Quiz And Find Out