The Atul Subhash case is a tragic story for many more reasons than the ones highlighted in the news. We’ve heard a lot in the past few days about how Indian men suffer greatly in marriage and even more so if the marriage breaks. Child custody, alimony, dowry, male loneliness – all of these words have been thrown at women as if women push men off cliffs every day. We’ve been told that laws in India are biased in favour of women including one that came into existence because women were being killed for money by their husbands and in-laws. While a section of society is caught up in fighting the misuse of domestic violence and dowry laws, what is being ignored is data.

According to a UN report published in 2024, 60 percent of women who were murdered by men were killed by a partner or family member, making the home one of the most unsafe places for women. The press release of this report is titled, “One woman or girl is killed every 10 minutes by their intimate partner or family member”. If that doesn’t scare you, it’s probably because you don’t think of women’s rights as human rights.

According to the National Crimes Records Bureau data from 2017 to 2022, more women than men died by suicide due to marriage-related issues. So, more men are not being driven to kill themselves by women, no matter what your favourite men’s rights activist says.

But why would you base your opinion on data when a random Twitter troll claims the only solution to male suffering is for men to take charge? So, here are a few ways in which men can fix their lives and not suffer so greatly anymore.

Marry on equal and fair terms

Don’t marry a woman for her ability to handle your household. And if you do, be prepared to handle her expenses for the rest of your life and to give alimony in case of a divorce. If you want to avoid this, then you should insist that your partner also has a career and you both split the household chores equally. Indian law does not grant alimony to a woman based solely on her gender. Also, if you’re so worried about being cheated by your wife for money, don’t marry someone without actually knowing them. Marriage is not something to be rushed into, more so now since Indian men feel women think of marriage as their main source of income.

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If you want a child, have one

But don’t marry a woman for that sole purpose and ignore every red flag just because she can birth your child. Your parents might think otherwise but procreation is not mandatory for anyone in the world. It is not your moral or any other kind of duty to produce a grandchild for your parents.

Talk to your friends and family

Instead of fighting your battles alone, talk to your friends and family. It is not a sign of weakness to acknowledge that you’re struggling. Similarly, when families see the men in their families under stress, they need to intervene. If a man in your family is going through a divorce or any other difficult situation, please talk to them and ask what help they need instead of passing generalised comments against women and fuelling their rage.

Seek help when you need it

Hire professionals when you need help. Whether it’s mental or legal help, do not rely on friends and family alone to get you through a rough time. Use social media to your advantage and talk about what you’re going through. It’s easy to think you’re right in an echo chamber but sometimes, you need another perspective to handle the situation.

Demand change

Demand it from the executive, the judiciary, and the legislature. Not women. Women don’t make the laws in this country, men do. So, demand change from your brethren. If you think laws are skewed against men, present evidence and ask for justice. Don’t sit at home and abuse women on social media. Get out on the streets and ask for justice. Remember what women in India did after the horrific Nirbhaya rape in 2012 and the RG Kar rape and murder in 2024?

It is now time for men to speak up and actually fix their lives. Leave the women out of it though. We’ve taken enough blame and brickbats for problems created by men to last several lifetimes.

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