Unmarried couples come under more scrutiny in India than most criminals. A small-time thief might be able to get away with robbing a house but an unmarried couple will make every neighbour the protector of Bhartiya sanskriti. So, it is no surprise that OYO’s policy of welcoming unmarried couples to check in to their hotels is no longer universally applicable. After objections from local communities, the company has decided to withdraw this policy in all OYO properties in Meerut, UP. Granted, this has only been done in one city, but moral policing always begins somewhere. What was once a society steadily progressing towards more open mindsets is now happy to regress in the name of tradition and values. Nowhere in those ancient traditions are unmarried couples vilified, but logic does not hold value in such debates.

Why do we care about OYO’s policy on unmarried couples?

Because this heralds the acceptance of moral policing. And why do we hate moral policing? Because it disproportionately harms women. When we speak of “unmarried couples”, who are we targeting the most? The woman in the relationship. It is her izzat at stake, her parents who will be ashamed, her character that will be ruined, and her prospects of marriage that will be harmed. The man, in most cases, doesn’t even notice the neighbourhood uncle’s piercing stare.

A regressive attitude towards unmarried couples also makes for a regressive attitude towards premarital sex and women’s freedom. How, you ask?

Healthcare

Ask any woman who has been sexually active before marriage and has had to go to a gynaecologist in India. She will tell you how difficult it is to get the required help from a doctor who is more interested in shaming a young woman than treating her. Heaven forbid she gets pregnant and needs a termination. From the doctors to the nurses and radiologists, everyone feels the need to offer an opinion, angry or otherwise.

Safety

When we make it acceptable to question couples on their marital status, this gives rise to violence against women. Remember the days of violent groups going around cities on Valentine’s Day and beating up couples for the crime of wanting to spend time together? Consider one aspect of the recent horrific Anna University case in Chennai. A woman was blackmailed and sexually assaulted by a man who threatened to show a video of her and a male friend together to the university dean and her parents. Maybe if the fear of her parents finding out about a boy hadn’t been drilled into her since childhood, like in most women in this country, the attacker might not have had that power over her.

Forcing people into marriage

Not all couples want to get married as soon as they lay eyes on each other. Most of them would want to get to know each other a lot more before they even consider a long-term commitment. That commitment may not mean marriage, it may just mean living together or being in an exclusive relationship without sharing a house. However, targeting unmarried couples through illogical societal demands that result in policy changes without question will force people into marriage. And do I really need to remind you how women are treated in forced marriages?

OYO’s move to ban unmarried couples at their Meerut properties made for great meme fodder, but the thought behind it has a darker aspect that harms women. And until we decide to stop punishing people for falling in love or having sex just for the fun of it, we will never move past our love for hate.

Related: Why Living Together Before Marriage Is A Good Idea, Especially In India

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