Oh, this has been such an exhausting week for me and my nerves, lovelies. Who will be president? Who will record Arnab in jail? What is even happening with this pimple on my cheek? Ugh. So, this week, I decided to not take any questions. It’s just too much! Your loving, caring aunty needs a break now and then, haina? It’s only so that I can help you to the best of my abilities, bachche. Now, now. Don’t cry. All is not lost this week; I will still talk to you.
So, the first and most important thing first, this pimple! I even detoxed on Karwa, but it’s still here. What was even the point of that daylong fast? If any of you, my caring bachchas, know a baba who can zap this thing off my face, please send details. The situation is dire, beta.
Okay, I broke another mirror and did some breathing exercises with a glass (three hehe) of wine. It really helped. Now, we can move on to the second problem – Arnab and his arrest. Oh, I feel so bad for him! The poor chap was just trying to make ends meet with his shows. His house did look quite small and tacky, so he obviously needs the money. Don’t tell him I said that.
Yes, he overacts, and all that jumping and shouting is very Sunny Deol. One would think Kangana would have taught him a thing or two about acting. But now, the poor dear is in jail. Who will record him? Do you know how terribly lonely it is to scream into a void…with NO camera? I felt so terrible for him that I watched clips of his shows all day long. You know, those chhote chhote clips online? Maymays? Meemis? Mems?
I think he needs my help. What do you think, bachche?
And now, on to the third and most important problem of India – the elections in the US. We all need to know now when Donald Trump will leave the White House for Joe. You know, Barack and Michelle’s friend? And you know how I can tell this is India’s biggest problem? It is the only thing being discussed on my RWA Whatsapp group. Some middle-class types were talking about this water problem and that dirty park or something, so I shut it down. One needs to know about priorities in life, bachche. You can’t be so ignorant about the biggest issue in everyone’s lives, haina?
Also, what is this shouting and screaming happening in Bihar? Is there a local election or something? Someone tell them to shut up and wait for Joe to solve their problems.
Uff, my saasu just came over and asked me what I want for Diwali. So rude! It’s like she doesn’t even see my khaali kaan yearning for bigger diamonds. But, don’t you worry about your aunty’s tragic life, I’m a survivor!
Next week, we will be addressing the biggest problem of Diwali season – regifting! I know you’re struggling with it and will keep struggling with it till someone (me) doesn’t help you. So, send your questions to me about all your gifting and regifting problems, and I will tell you how to use that ugly vase your sister-in-law gave you last year and get rid of it without anyone noticing.
Till then, take care of yourself, kids, and don’t let anyone ignore your khaali kaan.