October 10, 2016

More than a statement or two, relatives always have a truck load of questions to throw at you. All we can say is “Save your lives….they are here to socialize.”

1. “Beta, Graduation ke baad kya socha hai?”

Not that this particular uncle or aunt is interested in our future plans, but this question is simply to check if we really have any.

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2. “Meet Sharmaji’s brother’s uncle’s cousin’s (damn, wait! I forgot we were studying random people’s family tree here) grandson once…I hear he has a nice smile”

Just when you think you are doing perfectly fine learning your family relations, this happens. Out of nowhere there will be this distant uncle’s even distant GRANDSON which seems to have a chance in your arranged married life. Good luck! And take it for granted, they will always have that naughty smirk in their tone while introducing you to new men/women (however the case maybe).

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3.“When I was in college..”

It is this time of the conversation when you want to get up and tell yourself that ‘history repeats itself’. Well this time it’s this uncle repeating it for you, for the umpteenth time.

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4. “I heard you had an interview last year, how did it go? Got anywhere or still squandering away your parents’ money?”

If you have a job by now, it’s good for you. And if you don’t, save your souls. You might have given an interview a year ago, but this lovely relative will prove his skills at grilling you, that too right in front of your parents.

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5. “When I was your age, I had a kid!”

“Yes aunty, only if I could sue you for having a hand at grossly increasing my country’s population!

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6. “Look at my chintu, he is such a nice bacha!”

This chintu has always been a pain in the ass. No? Your parents, his parents, your neighbors, his neighbors, your gardener, his gardener, EVERY ONE will compare you to this cousin, chintu.

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7. “Beta aao, inke paer chhuo!”

Invariably, stuck in these family occasions, you won’t have any idea as to who is who, and honestly you don’t give it a rat’s ass! Just when you’ll be sneaking in for the buffet, one of your elders will call out to you from the other corner of the room and makes sure that everyone has heard him. Well, now you have been called to touch the feet of some unknown person! Such Indian-ness, I say!

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8. “Don’t you think your waist is now turning into layers of flabs?”

Umm… honestly aunty, don’t you think you should mind your own business now? (by business, of course I mean your flabs!)

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9. “Mera Canada wala beta…”

This one is so funny! Just like south Indians have relatives in Dubai, Punjabis have their sons in Canada (with the Punjabi accent). And it is interesting how they cease to call him by name now.

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